(The following is a contributed article.)

During our separation, my husband and I were working through our struggling marriage — or so I thought. What I came to find out later is rather than sincerity at heart in working out our marriage, he continued his affair and the courting of his married mistress.

My husband and I had been married for more than 15 years with children. My husband had courted and romanced me not too long ago. He even adored me. However, the pressures of work, church, marriage, and children had changed him and his focus turned inward. Early on in our marriage, he disengaged from me and our children and engaged instead in pornography.

My husband’s pornography addiction slowly but progressively consumed him for most of our marriage. He went from being an attentive and adoring husband to a workaholic and pornography addict. Some of his addiction was arguably because of the pressure he put on himself. Some, admittedly, I put on him since I was a stay-at-home mother. Some seemed to be a result of his parents and his upbringing. He was the “golden child” in his family who could do no wrong. It wasn’t hard to see why given he came from a dysfunctional family. While I recognized this from the beginning, I didn’t realize just how dysfunctional they were until my husband’s affair.

When my husband’s family learned of his affair, rather than help direct him back to me and our children, they supported him in his infidelity. They even met with his mistress. One such meeting included shotguns and watermelons. My husband bonded with his dysfunctional father over their family tradition of shooting watermelons with shotguns. He invited both his father and his married mistress to shoot watermelons. Admittedly, it was one of the traditions he introduced me to in our marriage. It broke my heart that he would share such a tradition with his married mistress.

In retrospect, how could his father choose to support him in his adultery rather than supporting his son’s marriage, wife, and children? What type of father or family supports their son in infidelity and the breakup of his family and children? Oddly enough, my husband’s family was devoutly religious but somehow was lost in the irony of their hypocrisy. To this day, I can’t rectify their supporting my husband in the act of adultery and breaking up of our family.

I was not a perfect wife but I was honorable, faithful, loving, and committed to my marriage, husband, and children. I just couldn’t compete with my husband’s pornography addiction or affair. I am not sure how any wife can compete with pornography. Pornography undermines marriage and fidelity to marriage. It focuses on the body and the sexual act over the love that makes the act more than just sex. My husband lost himself in pornographic fantasy and as his wife I had birthed his children, my body couldn’t compete with his porn queens or his married mistress.

Since divorcing my husband, it has been a rocky road for me and our children. I still struggle with the insecurities that come from an ex-husband who chose pornography and adultery over me, our marriage, and our children. To add insult to injury, I also struggle with a former father-in-law who chose to support his son and his mistress in their infidelity. Such a sad tale of infidelity, shotguns, and watermelons.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.