(This is a contributed article.)

At the start of this new year, it is natural to spend some time reflecting and considering all that one has experienced, lost, loved, and learned. This past year, I recognized and learned a lot from some of the toughest times I could endure. Despite my hardships, I was also blessed with many things this past year. I had the opportunity to deeply reflect on recent years and how hard and yet rewarding they have been.

Recently, of all things to be grateful for, I have been thinking about how thankful I am for my ex-wife’s affair partner. (I know it seems odd — and it is — but its true.) My wife and her affair partner bulldozed through our family and his, demolishing our families and our children’s ‘normal and innocent lives.’ They destroyed our 20-year-old family. One might ask why they did this. They did it because they wouldn’t manage through their bad decisions, life, and their midlife crises. Instead, they blamed others and sought refuge in a fantasy extramarital affair. Thankfully, they married after their two-year-long affair.

I am grateful to my (now ex-) wife’s adultery partner (we’ll call him ‘Wilbur’) for stealthily sneaking into our marriage and then through his infidelity with my wife freeing me from a life with a betraying, uncommitted, and unfaithful wife.

Wilbur’s unfaithfulness to his wife and family combined with his decision to have an adulterous relationship with my wife also destroyed his marriage and his wife and children’s faith and trust in him — ultimately leading to their divorce as well. His marital betrayal and adultery deeply hurt his children and my children. So much so that his relationship with them is superficial at best.

While we are still healing from their betrayal and all the fallout that followed, I can honestly say I am grateful in some ways. I have been freed from the burden of vows to an unfaithful spouse and all the risks that came with her betrayal. I am free of a spouse who treated our marriage and children with disregard, disrespect, and disdain. She chose a selfish and personally destructive path with Wilbur and while I can’t protect my children from all of the fallout from their actions, I can at least now safeguard myself from a selfish and destructive wife.

My main regret now is that my children are caught in the middle of an adultery-broken family. I have since had a lot of time to reflect on the importance of being a parent worthy of the trust of my children. Their willingness to trust anyone has diminished, and who can blame them? They were lied to and betrayed by their mother. Any child should feel that they can rely on and fully trust their parents to be honorable and trustworthy. Being a parent means your children should be able to trust and rely on you. Being a parent is one of the greatest blessings and responsibilities you can have.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.