We’ve all been wronged and offended. Every one of us has or will be wronged. It is impossible to live life without being wronged, hurt, or offended. To move on we need to consider the benefits of forgiveness.

How can forgiveness help exactly? What power and healing does it offer to those who have been wronged? As is the case with any spoken language, words can mean different things to different people. But in general, forgiveness involves an intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger. The act that hurt or offended you may always be with you but forgiving means you have released the resentment or anger that resulted from the act or offense.

The American Psychological Association defines forgiveness as, “Forgiveness involves willfully putting aside feelings of resentment toward someone who has committed a wrong, been unfair or hurtful, or otherwise harmed you in some way. Forgiveness is not merely accepting what happened or ceasing to be angry. Rather, it involves a voluntary transformation of your feelings, attitudes, and behavior, so that you are no longer dominated by resentment and can express compassion, generosity, or the like toward the person who wronged you.”

The Benefits and Power of Forgiveness

Psychology Today notes that forgiveness has been shown to elevate mood, enhance optimism, and guard against anger, stress, anxiety, and depression.

Before we get too far into the topic, let’s clarify a few things first:

1. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. You can forgive without reconciliation to the person or persons who hurt or offended you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. While forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person or persons who harmed you or release them from legal accountability.
2. Forgiveness is very important for the mental health of the victims. Forgiveness frees people rather than weighing them down emotionally in the injustice, pain, or trauma of the offense.
3. Forgiveness brings you peace of mind and frees you from corrosive anger. Forgiveness involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings. Forgiveness empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life.

As humans, we often find it hard to forgive because while forgiveness is part of the healing process, forgiveness alone doesn’t resolve the offense. No matter how much you try, you can never go back to the way things were before the offense.

Forgiveness liberates those who have been imprisoned by the pain and suffering caused by being wronged, betrayed, offended, abused, and deceived. However, even when the benefits of forgiveness are understood, it is difficult to let go of the pain and hurt and forgive others.

If you are in an abusive relationship forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to return to the abuser and accept the same abusive and harmful behavior from the offender. Forgiveness takes time, patience, determination, acceptance, and a sincere desire to be free from the toxic and corrosive nature of anger, pain, doubt, and betrayal. If you are working through forgiving others, be patient with yourself. It can take time depending on the severity of the offense.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.