Sometimes it seems that what we call progress isn’t really progress. It wasn’t all that long ago that a person’s word was their bond. A once common phrase, “My word is my bond.” meant that when you tell someone you’re going to do something, you do it. Your word is your bond. Simply translated, your promise to do something meant you promised or guaranteed you would do what you said you would.

Imagine a world where people dealt with each other based on their promises and guarantees. A world where their word was as good as money. They lived with integrity and honor.

Those days are apparently the good old days now. We definitely live in different times, unfortunately. Today, words mean everything and yet nothing. Since promises do not have the “bond” or “commitment” they once did, we rely on legal contracts to guide conduct and enforce agreements. Armies of attorneys and courts are needed to ensure contracts are enforced and penalties exacted on those who violate their word.

One of the most evident declines in personal integrity is the rise of divorce and infidelity. There are two generally accepted types of marriages: covenant and contract. A covenant marriage is typically a religious or faith-based marriage while a contract marriage is one based on civil laws and contracts. While a covenant marriage generally includes a religious contract with a deity, it also includes a civil contract that is enforceable by the local government.

Marriage is at its basic level a binding contract between a couple — regardless if it is a covenant or contract marriage. When couples divorce, there is legal action taken in the form of the formal severing of the marriage, financial responsibilities, asset allocation, and dissolution of family and business arrangements.

All of the legal stuff aside, what type of covenants or contractual obligations are made in marriage? While marital vows vary depending on the particular covenant or contract marriage, marital vows may include elements of the following:

I [Name] take you [Name] to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death, us do part, according to God’s law. In the presence of God, I make this vow.

Or

I, [Name], take you, [Name], to be my wedded wife/husband. And I do promise before God and these witnesses that I will be your faithful and loving wife/husband, as long as we both shall live. I will trust in the strength of our commitment. I will share myself with you, honor, challenge, and respect you. I promise to be honest, compassionate, and loyal. Together we will laugh, cry, grow, and dream. Today, we begin the great adventure, to experience as one, of the privileges and joys of life’s journey. Our hearts and lives are now bound together — my friend, my love, my spouse.

Or

I, [Name], take you, [Name], to be my husband/wife. To share the good times and hard times side by side. I humbly give you my hand and my heart as a sanctuary of warmth and peace and pledge my faith and love to you. Just as this ring’s circle is without end, my love for you is eternal. Just as it is made of incorruptible substance, my commitment to you will never fail. With this ring, I thee wed.

These vows are vows of commitment and fidelity. When couples marry, they marry trusting that their spouse will be faithful and honorable to them in thought and action. They marry with the confidence that their spouse will act with integrity and honor. They enter marriage with the belief that their promises to each other will endure the test of time.

Unfortunately, commitment to marriage — and in marriage — is declining as an “old-fashioned value.” Vows are no longer considered vows or promises for life. Marriage for many is now an institution of convenience. There is more attention and commitment to planning all of the celebrations and ceremonies than to really understanding the vows and what they represent. The rise in divorce and breaking up of families is damaging the lives of children and future generations.

A lot is said about how progressive we are today — even how much more enlightened we are compared to previous generations. Maybe returning to a time when our word was our bond wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Maybe, just maybe, this world could use a bit more old-fashioned integrity and honor. Especially, the children of the world.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.