(The following is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

I thought I knew my husband but apparently, I never did. It is gut-wrenching to say it now but we were married for about 18 years. The last few years of our marriage were so difficult — as one revelation after another confirmed I never knew my husband.

When COVID-19 hit, our marriage took a big hit. My husband was working through his lifelong addiction to pornography. I pushed him to do whatever it took to end his pornography addiction. It was a disgusting and demoralizing addiction and it had put emotional and sexual distance between us. He claimed that no matter what he did he couldn’t get over it.

Eventually, we enrolled him in a rehab program for pornography addicts. A month or so later, he claimed he was free of his addiction. I was skeptical but somewhat relieved at the prospect of it being true.

As the COVID-19 pandemic escalated, I could see it wear on my husband. His moodiness, temper, and mental and emotional distancing increased. His job was rather demanding by initial appearances. He was called upon by work to help with COVID-19 community-related health risks and issues. As a result, he started staying at work longer and taking additional work shifts. He was increasingly distant but also intently running away from me, our marriage, our families, and something else.

Even though he was distant, he wanted regular sex but it was different sex than usual. I suspected he was being unfaithful. Something was wrong but he wouldn’t talk about it or he would play it off that I was just being paranoid. So, one night when he got home late from work I checked his phone while he was sleeping. After some effort, I was able to access his Facebook messages. He was having an affair with a skanky woman. I read their messages and was utterly in shock to learn of their lies and deception. Not just to their spouses but to each other. They lied about almost everything they discussed.

I filed for divorce. Had he just admitted to his affair I could have forgiven him but my discovery of their affair and the rancid lies and deception they employed were too much. Their affair was vile and reprehensible.

My husband continued his affair and then eventually moved out of our home when he couldn’t reconcile things with me. (How he ever thought I would work things out with him while he was continuing his affair is baffling to me even now.) All of this wasn’t even the worst of it. After he moved out, I learned that my husband was trying to position our divorce as a result of me being an unfit wife and mother.

I knew then my husband was truly vindictive, evil, and lost. I soon employed a private investigator to gather the evidence to support my case for divorce and to protect myself from my husband’s efforts to discredit and defame me.

In a matter of weeks, my private investigator gathered substantial evidence of his adulterous relationship with his skanky mistress. What blew my mind was the evidence gathered of my husband inviting his mistress overnight and her leaving her minor child at home without any supervision.

My husband, the father of our children, was so preoccupied with getting ‘his sex’ from his mistress that he invited her over to his apartment knowing full well that she would leave her minor child alone at home unsupervised. As if this wasn’t sick and demented enough, I also learned that he had cut short on many occasions his time with our children to go have sex with his mistress.

These last few years have revealed to me a lot about my now ex-husband. He was never faithful. He was a pornography and sex addict. He was nothing more than a shallow and uncommitted husband and father. I’m now left thinking to myself, “What kind of man does that?” I thank God every day I am no longer married to him! Unfortunately, being divorced only frees me from him. Our children are not so lucky. They have to deal with him being their father for the rest of their lives when he is little more than a ‘sperm donor’ father.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.