(The following is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

Sometimes a lie starts off as just a little lie. Later, that little lie grows and sprouts more lies until the lies are so deeply rooted and intertwined that you can’t uproot them. The only thing you feel you can do at that point is feed them more lies. The lies take on a life of their own.

My journey to my affair was filled with hundreds of lies of justification, victimhood, deception, and self-betrayal. My mental health and state deteriorated with each lie but I was living my life and no one could convince me otherwise. I was married with children but needed more than what my husband and children could give me.

My journey to self-realization and self-actualization was long overdue. I was done with fidelity to my marriage and children. I was free and unburdened by a life that left me wanting and unfulfilled. My affair partner and I were no longer victims of bad marriages — we found each other and we completed each other.

It was months into my extra-marital affair that I was finally ripped from my fantasy state. Our spouses and children found out about our affair. We had expected that they would eventually and had even planned for this and put our contingency plans in place. We united and contended against our spouses and children in the wake of the revelation. They had no idea how much joy our affair brought us and no matter what they said or felt, they weren’t going to change our minds about it.

A few years have since passed and we both divorced our spouses. Our children are settling into their new broken lives and combined infidelity broken families. Our children have slowly worked through their shock, shame, and resentment of what we did to our former spouses — their parents — and to them. However, the trust and confidence they once had in us — their cheating parents — is gone. It is one of many casualties our children are grappling with today. I wanted what I wanted and that is what I got. As for my former spouse and children, they ended up with what I left them — a broken family and a dismantled belief that marriage is built on fidelity and stability.

I have since contemplated what my legacy will be. I did get what I wanted and continue to pursue what makes me happy — but as a parent, I introduced my children to their new life of anxiety, shame, anger, and betrayal. My choices have had a catastrophic impact on my children and the children of my affair partner.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! There is hope if you are a spouse who has betrayed your marriage’s trust, love, and fidelity! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy and groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you want to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.