(This is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

As my soon-to-be ex-husband arrived at our home residence to pick up our children, he heard through the front window one of our children shout to me, “Mom, the Devil is here to get us!” He was immediately shocked and enraged that our kids would say that.

After picking up our children and leaving, he made sure to send me a scathing text message reprimanding me for allowing our children to call him the “Devil.” I didn’t respond. He often took his frustrations out on me and this wasn’t my doing. His affair was proof of that. No surprise there.

Our children spent our divorce decree time with him and his new wife and former mistress. They didn’t like being with him or his new wife but that was beyond our control. He had been married to me for about 20 years but that came to a halting end when I found out about his affair. After a few failed attempts at trying to reconcile our differences and his persistent request to move beyond his affair and betrayal, I gave him a few ultimatums — including ending his affair with his married mistress, getting counseling, and promising to never have another affair.

He said he would end his affair and never cheat again, but he hooked back up with his mistress after a few days. He kept it secret and hidden of course. His mistress secured a new phone number and phone to help keep their affair a secret. He communicated and hooked up regularly until his mistress’s husband found out and then informed me. All h*ll broke out from there. He soon moved out, found an apartment close by, and continued his affair while we filed for divorce. Several months later we were divorced. He ended up with about one-third custody of our children.

We’re All in Therapy Now

My ex-husband has been in therapy, off and on, for the last year or so. Our children and I are also in therapy. Because he had burned all bridges back to me and our children, he married his mistress once her divorce was finalized. Our children are angry with him almost as much as they are with his mistress-turned-wife for breaking up our family. Almost. They consider both of them “devils” because while our children were growing up — my husband and I taught our children that the Devil’s goal is to destroy people, families, and marriages. He destroys all that is good.

While he still gets mad with me about our children having called him the “Devil,” if he were to be honest and real with himself — or his therapist for that matter, he’d recognize it’s really his fault. We taught our children about right and wrong and about the Devil. He chose his affair over our family and the resulting divorce has torn our family apart.

I struggle at times with how much to counsel our children about their father’s adultery. My ex-husband and his former mistress deny what they did and shift the blame on their adultery and family betrayal. Our children look to me for clarity and truth, but I have to balance what I say to avoid hurting our children with the truth while also being honest. My ex-husband takes every opportunity he can to blame and demonize me to our children. It’s unfortunately sad and ironic. What was once a shared marriage and unified front for teaching our children about right and wrong is now a war zone. Our children are wounded and weary from the relentless battle and I am doing what I can to care for them while tending to my wounds.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.