(This is a contributed article.)

Facebook is many things to many people. Facebook is a website and social media platform that allows users, who sign up for free profiles, to connect with family, friends, peers, and colleagues, or people they don’t know, online. It allows users to share pictures, music, videos, and articles, as well as their thoughts and opinions with however many people they like. Unbeknownst to many, it is also a platform of choice for wandering, lost, and unfaithful married hearts.

Just a few years ago, I had no idea the role Facebook would have in the demolition of my marriage and family. For me, it was what seemed to be a normal morning in the middle of May — until it wasn’t. I was working from home per my normal routine. The morning was busy but manageable. Then, out of the blue, my life and my family’s life changed forever. I received a text from a stranger. In the text, the woman claimed my wife was having an affair with her husband. She had reached out to a network of contacts and had somehow secured my mobile phone number.

When I read the text, I asked my wife if it was true that she was having an affair. Her face went as white as pristine snow. She embarrassingly admitted it was true. However, she didn’t seem surprised that I had found out. It was then that I realized the woman who had texted me had included my wife in the ‘group text’ as well. (I hadn’t noticed this earlier but I was understandably still in shock.) My wife then said she blocked the woman and suggested I do the same because the woman — the wife of her adultery partner — was mentally unstable. I had no idea if the woman was unstable, but I owed her the respect and dignity of acknowledging her text now that my wife had confirmed her claim of infidelity.

I responded to the woman — let’s call her ‘Ruth’ — and thanked Ruth for letting me know. While I was still numb and struggling with processing the news, I apologized to her for my wife’s role in her husband’s affair and the pain it must be causing her and her family. I then offered for the four of us to meet and sort things out as adults if we could.

It wasn’t until days later I learned how cowardly Ruth’s husband was and how dishonest and deceptive my wife would be. My wife’s adultery partner had immediately blocked my mobile phone number when his wife discovered his adultery. My wife blocked her adultery partner’s wife, Ruth, as well. They were cowardly and unwilling to meet and discuss their betrayal and infidelity. They were not brave enough to face accountability for their family betrayal. Instead, they dared to actively conspire to slander and defame their spouses to deflect blame and personal responsibility for their infidelity and betrayal.

Not long after, Ruth shared with me her husband’s Facebook messages with my wife. She had exported and downloaded months of their adultery communication through Facebook. It was like reading a document of the highest, and yet most bitter, betrayal and deception imaginable. I still can’t put into words what reading their ‘origin adultery story’ did to me. It was like reading the most disgusting, despicable, dishonest, vile, and evil story imaginable. I felt defiled and violated inside and out. It was full of elaborate lies and contradictions. I could only imagine how discovering it and reading it felt for Ruth.

No One Wins with Infidelity

Both Ruth and I gathered additional Facebook evidence of their affair and filed for divorce from our spouses. The next few months proved challenging for our children. Divorce is very difficult — especially for children. Divorce caused by infidelity is even more difficult because it breaks down certain levels of trust and innocence in children. They begin to wonder whether they can trust their parents and what else their parents might have been lying to them about.

No one wins with infidelity. Some might argue that those who cheat walk away unscathed as “two consenting adults” who had the right to exit their marriage the way they wanted to, but that isn’t an honest argument. Two consenting adults do not have the consent, permission, or right to make decisions that risk the well-being of their spouses and children. No one can argue otherwise.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.