Your wife cheated on you. You are understandably hurt, angry, sad, anxious, and numb from her betrayal. You may have been blindsided, or you might have suspected your wife’s betrayal all along. In the end, it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters now is you were betrayed and your life will never be the same.

You may have even confronted her about her betrayal. Chances are, she downplayed it or even excused it as harmless. There is no such thing as ‘harmless infidelity’. Even if it was only a one-time indiscretion. Many cheating spouses argue, “Infidelity is fine if it doesn’t hurt anyone.” This ignorant and lazy argument might hold some truth if infidelity was between unmarried, childless, and emotionless individuals who had zero chance of contracting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) from each other, but it isn’t.

Even if your cheating wife were to have taken precautions, she might have unknowingly brought a silent STD or STI into your body and life. In such cases, her infidelity could be your future death certificate.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases and Infections

If your spouse’s affair brought her into contact with STDs, you both need to know about it right away. An STD may have profound implications for the sexual dimension of marriage for as long as it exists. Some STDs can lie dormant in a body for a long time before manifesting any symptoms.

When the STD is a more permanent illness such as Herpes or HPV, or worst-case scenario HIV, this disease marks the victim for life. With each outbreak or physical symptom, another emotional wound reopens. This makes it very difficult for the person who was cheated on to stay in the marriage.

Your Spouse’s Betrayal and Their Transmission of STDs and STIs

Your spouse’s infidelity may have exposed you to life-long medical issues from an STD. You might choose to forgive your spouse or move on to a healthier relationship — but you should also know whether you have been exposed to an STD or STI. If your spouse has been with another sexual partner, both of you should be tested as soon as possible. If you have filed for a divorce and your spouse refuses to be tested for STDs, you may be able to ask the judge to order that a diagnostic test be completed. This may help you and your doctors respond to any risk of infection.

As the betrayed spouse, you must look after your health by trying to improve your immune system. Dietary and lifestyle changes may help. Exercise, eating well, getting plenty of rest, and learning stress reduction techniques help. In doing this, you can come to terms with anger and depression and concentrate on healing. Emotional healing is crucial because no amount of anger, stress, suffering, resentment, or tears will change the situation.

Is Their Transmission of STDs and STIs Criminal?

If your spouse knew she had an STD and withheld that knowledge from you, you may be able to file a separate civil claim or even criminal charges related to the intentional transmission of an STD or STI. The possibility of a lawsuit or criminal charges may encourage a spouse to settle the divorce quickly and avoid a record of testimony about the disease.

Remember, if your unfaithful spouse transmitted STDs or STIs to you, you owe it to yourself and your children to be tested and treated. You not only need to care for your mental well-being but also your physical well-being.

If you know your wife has had a physical affair, you need to pay close attention to your health. We recommend having your physician run full STD (and STI) panels from time to time, especially if you suspect your wife has gone back to her affair partner, is having sex with a new one, or with multiple affair partners.

As a betrayed spouse and father, please pay attention to your health! Both you and those who love you depend on it!

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed trust, love, and fidelity in your marriage — there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.