(This is a contributed article.)

What happens when you marry your affair partner? It’s an intriguing question with an answer that will only surprise the unfaithful and delusional spouse.

When you marry your affair partner, the excitement of getting each other will only last for a while, but not long. Reality sets in. Real life reality that is. Not fantasy life where you could sneak around without responsibility or conscience.

Whether you were the ‘other man’ or ‘other woman’, you will eventually recognize the devasting destruction you caused to yourself, your spouse, your children, your family, and your friends. You’ll also recognize that your infidelity and marriage have a devasting impact on your adultery partner’s ex-spouse, children, and family. However, even when you realize the impact, there is little you can do. You can’t run from altogether. You can’t pretend it didn’t happen. You can’t hide from it. More likely than not, your affair and marriage to your adultery partner will scar your children and your adultery partner’s children.

You may try to console yourself by telling yourself that your children. are resilient. Yes, that will work. Tell yourself that children are resilient. That should do it. However, most children aren’t as resilient as they are impressionable and malleable.

When you finally realize that your children are not able to process what your affair and marriage with your affair partner means, you will be faced with a horrible reality. You will witness firsthand their struggles, anxiety, distrust, and anger as they navigate life after your affair and marriage.

Your affair will have a trickle down effect. If your ‘blended children’ need professional counseling, become promiscuous, fall into addictions, fail in school, can’t control their anger, or are incapable of maintaining healthy relationships of their own, guess who will be blamed? You and your affair partner turned spouse is who.

You may try to fix what you broke, but you won’t succeed. Try as you might, you will not be able to fix everything. You can’t fix what you broke. No matter how ‘special’ you think your affair turned marriage is, you will find out it isn’t special enough to fix what it broke. It was just an affair. An affair that scarred your former spouses and children.

You are a cheater. You married a cheater. Your children know you are both cheaters. How can they ever trust you or that you will be faithful to each other?

When things go wrong, and they will, be prepared. All marriages experience difficult times, your former affair partner will look at you and wonder if you were worth the sacrifice and difficult time. Even if they don’t vocalize it, you will see it in their eyes. They will blame you. They will realize that your marriage and blending of families requires much more work than the one they abandoned. They will recognize you are not nearly as perfect in real life as they thought you were during your stress-free, adulterous affair. They will likely be angry about what they had to sacrifice for you.

Their feelings about you will change. You will see it in their actions, inactions, expressions, and words. If you are really committed to them you will work hard to regain their love. You will struggle and fear that they eventually try to exit your marriage like they did their previous marriage. You’ll both wonder why you sacrificed what you did for each other.

There will be countless family conflicts over your infidelity and betrayal. Your spouse’s children will find it difficult to be around you and not hate you. Your children will feel the same about your spouse. Every family event will be an inconvenient reminder of the two families you broke apart. Your children will grow resentful and spiteful.

You and your affair partner turned spouse will fight over this and many more things, eventually driving a wedge between each other. You will wonder if they will resort to cheating on you. Why not, they cheated with you on their previous spouse?! Now, you will have to wait and see if they will be faithful to you. Statistically speaking, the odds aren’t in your favor but only time will tell.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.