Gaining trust takes time, and trust is a choice.
How important is trust in life and relationships?
Can you have an enduring romantic or marital relationship without trust?
How strong are marriages with low levels of trust?
When you consider relationships — romantic or not — trust is a foundational component for successful relationships. Trust evolves throughout the various stages of dating, flirting, engagement, and marriage (Aron et al., 1995), encompassing intimacy, attachment, self-respect, and love.
According to leading relationship experts, John and Julie Gottman, trust and trustworthiness are the most important characteristics people want in a spouse or partner. But how do we build trust? Feelings of trust are built in small moments and events. We build trust by showing up for each other, listening when others are upset, and prioritizing important relationships over other people and things. In addition to being important in marriages and other intimate relationships, trust is essential to what makes human communities of all kinds work. Without trust, there can be no meaningful connection between people.
The crucial role of trust in romantic relationships has been reported particularly during adolescence and young adulthood, influenced by various personal and relational factors, including the attachment style (Mikulincer and Shaver, 2007; Kim et al., 2017). Trust plays a pivotal role in maintaining functional and fulfilling romantic relationships, deepening intimacy, and providing continuity (Larzelere and Huston, 1980; Kemer et al., 2016).
The lack of trust can lead to negative reactions, lying, low relationship quality perception, and attachment anxiety, negatively impacting relationships (Simpson, 2007; Campbell et al., 2010; Uysal et al., 2012; Laborde et al., 2014; Towner et al., 2015; Gabbay and Lafontaine, 2020).
Establishing trust creates a strong bond and foundation to build on. Knowing you can trust your partner promotes increased closeness and safety. When you trust your spouse, you feel safe knowing they have your back and can be relied upon for comfort, care, and support.
“Can there be love without trust? It can be difficult for love to persist long without trust. If you don’t trust your partner, jealousy may take over your interactions with them.” (Source: How are Trust and Love Related?)
Trust enables us to navigate the uncertain and complex world we live in. Trust is critical to happy and fulfilling relationships in our personal and professional lives. Trust takes time and effort. We require trust to build successful and meaningful relationships.
Based on various research sources, the top reasons for relationship breakdowns are:
- Financial stress
- Communication difficulties
- Different values
- Lack of trust
Authentic trust involves moods and emotions, trusting ourselves and our judgments, trusting others, and forgiving when promises and commitments are broken. Trust cannot be built if one person is willing and the other is not.
When two people build a successful relationship, they will demonstrate trust in the following ways:
- Listening and supporting each other.
- Showing consideration and care.
- Trusting each other that you know what is best for yourself.
- Showing mutual respect for boundaries.
- Being dependable for the other person.
- No matter what comes up you can feel safe.
- Resolving conflicts in healthy ways.
- Matchup between words and actions.
- Not controlling or monitoring each other.
- Trusting each other no matter where they are or whom they are with.
- A tight, strong bond.
When couples build a strong and enduring partnership on trust, they can be themselves. Life is full of uncertainties and challenges. If you have been hurt or betrayed, either in the past or by your current spouse, you need to continue to trust yourself and trust your instincts. If the violation of trust can be forgiven, forgive them. If it can’t be worked through and resolved, you can still move forward and take responsibility for your happiness even if they won’t. Trust is crucial for any enduring relationship.
Recovering from Infidelity
If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!
Share Your Story
The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.
About the CHADIE Foundation
The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.
The CHADIE Foundation 