They love the chase, conquest, and preying upon other spouses.

Affairs have been around since the dawn of marriage. As with any craft or trade, some ‘opportunistic predators’ have honed their skills for pursuing affairs with weak and vulnerable married prey. These are the predators ever on the hunt and conquest for new prey and victims. Many predators love the chase and conquest of other spouses as their prey.

Predators are those who live for the next great ‘affair’ conquest. They enjoy the sport of the chase. They salivate with anticipation as they stalk their prey. They feel alive while in pursuit of their prey.

How can prey recognize a predator? There are four common stages they use when on the hunt and while in pursuit of their prey:

• Targeting stage
• Conquest stage
• Exploitation stage
• Next conquest stage

These stages are sequential with duration ranging based on the predator’s appetite and skill.

Targeting Stage

Affair predators are seasoned in the art of recognizing weakness and opportunity. They swoop in when their prey is emotionally vulnerable. Vulnerability can be a result of traumatic events, including funerals, divorces, depression, mid-life crises, empty nesting, etc. They’ve mastered the art of connection, deception, and manipulation with their prey. They camouflage their intent.

Their prey believes they enter the scene to ‘rescue’ them in their weak and vulnerable state. The predator appears to be someone who ‘understands’ what the victim (i.e., their prey) is going through. They ‘relate’ and ‘empathize’ with their targeted prey. Often, they present themselves as having gone through the same difficult time or that they are currently going through it like their prey. Sometimes, ironically enough, the prey will feel like they can also help ‘rescue’ the predator from their dire circumstances.

Conquest Stage

This is the most exhilarating stage for the predator. This is where they have built trust with their prey and the conquest is underway. Their prey is oblivious to the actual intent of their predator. The predator uses the trust they have built through masterful deception, manipulation, and coercion.

Their conquest is their only goal and is pursued with utmost care. Their predatory behavior includes extracting sexual, emotional, and financial resources from those who are weak and vulnerable. They are less interested in reciprocating love, affection, and connection with their prey than in the success of their conquest.

Exploitation Stage

While the ‘conquest stage’ is generally the most exciting stage for predators, the exploitation stage is their ‘reward’ — when they devour and feast upon their prey. They consume what their prey has to give them until they have nothing left to give or they grow bored and weary of their conquered prey.

As a hunter of weak and vulnerable prey, the predator exploits what they can until they grow bored from the completed conquest and begin to target their next prey for conquest. They do not seek love, commitment, or companionship with their prey, only their prey’s relinquishment and submission of will.

Next Conquest Stage

After exploiting and eventually consuming their prey, they begin the conquest process again. They may keep their conquered and diminished prey around until their next prey is identified. If they do, they only do so until they are pursuing their next prey for conquest. Their appetite is never satiated or satisfied.

Predators do not know love or connection, they only the thrill of the hunt and the manipulation of prey. They are ruled by their animalistic state and desire for new flesh.

Of Predators and Prey

Predators do not think of their affair prey as equals or partners. They are prey only. Their prey serves a purpose for them only. A utility of sorts. They are used for self-indulgence and satisfaction.

Predators use soothing techniques to attack their prey. Once they have subdued their prey, they pounce on them with overwhelming power and domination. This domination often involves guilt-tripping, fear, and obligation, making their prey feel trapped in a cycle of compliance.

Predators are unable to have healthy relationships or boundaries. They only seek the thrill and exhilaration of exploiting the weak and vulnerable. They are more comfortable with deception and betrayal than honesty, truth, and commitment. They can only offer a counterfeit connection, affection, and relationship to hide their true intent.

A Final Warning

Healthy relationships involve honesty, trust, respect, and open communication between partners and they require effort and compromise from both partners. Affairs are built upon lies, deception, betrayal, and justification. Predators operate in lies, deception, betrayal, and justification to facilitate their affairs. Beware of predators and their deception. They care nothing about their prey, only conquest.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.