(This is a contributed article.)

To my wife for Mother’s Day, a mother with a warrior’s heart, love, and commitment to marriage and family. You survived an abusive first marriage filled with pain, sorrow, and betrayal. You raised your children as a struggling, underpaid, undervalued, and underappreciated mother and single parent. You persevered through hardships and bitter treatment by your ex-husband. You sacrificed everything you had to be the mother your children needed. You give meaning to motherhood and Mother’s Day.

What does it mean to be a mother on Mother’s Day? And every day of the year? Being a mother means much more than having given birth to a child. Yes, giving birth to a child is the primary way to motherhood, but being a mother is so much more! It’s being willing to give your life, if needed, to give birth and to raise a child. It’s loving and knowing your children before you even see them. It’s carrying and caring for a life completely dependent on you for their survival.

It’s sleepless and restlesss nights. It’s caring and nursing your children. It’s reading and telling bedtime stories. It’s tucking your children into bed and kissing them on their cheeks. It’s being loving and protective. It’s teaching them to talk, love, care, and to be kind to themselves and others. It’s learning to accept that you can’t teach them everything even when you ache to do so. It’s seeing them cry and not knowing how to fix it. It’s knowing when to let them struggle and when to hold them tight and comfort them in their pain. It’s teaching and helping them understand that they are loved, important, unique, special, and capable of great things.

Being their mother means building their self-esteem and loving them unconditionally. It’s helping them dream, grow, be responsible, and accountable. It’s helping them understand that life isn’t always fair, but always worth the struggle. It’s showing them that they are tougher and more resilient than they ever imagined. It’s telling them they will fail at times, painfully watching them fail, pleading and praying and encouraging them to get back up and fight for what they want and believe. It’s sacrificing and going without so that they don’t have to — until they can understand sacrifice and love like you do.

It’s laughing so hard you want to cry. It’s crying so hard you think you may die. It’s filled with pain, heartache, self-doubt, and anxiety. It’s wishing you could bear their pain instead. It’s learning how to let them go, letting them fail and teaching them how to make the world a better place. It’s being willing to put your life and personal pursuits on hold for your children and family. It’s one of life’s greatest blessings and yet most painful experiences. It’s a bond that is unparalleled in this life. It’s a love that grows without end. It’s holding on to them so tight knowing that one day you will need to let them go to grow.

It’s laughing at jokes that aren’t remotely funny. It’s listening to stories that go on and on without a point. It’s always being available and ready for the next motherly responsibility. It’s being strong even when you are weak. It’s giving when you have nothing left to give. It’s smiling when you need to cry, and crying when you’re smiling.

It’s looking through family photographs and feeling the deepest love and happiness that words can’t describe. It’s seeing joy, beauty, happiness, excitement, wonder, love, and life in your child’s eyes, face, and smile. It’s looking back and having too many regrets, while being filled with love and gratitude. It’s realizing you weren’t perfect but you were more than enough. You are a mother — the greatest gift your children and family will ever need.

Being a mother is something, even as a father, I can’t fully understand. But, as a father and your husband, I fully appreciate. Your sacrifice and commitment to motherhood makes you more beautiful, kind, valuable, irreplaceable, desirable, and complete than any worldly title, status, recognition, accolade, or wealth. You are arguably the world’s greatest mother!

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.