(This is a contributed article.)

One of the first things my wife told me when I found out about her affair was that her affair partner was a doctor. I found her statement odd and ironic. I know she was taking a jab at me with her declaration because my profession is not considered a reputable profession as a ‘doctor.’

While she was right about him being a doctor, not surprisingly, she missed the more important point that he was much more than a doctor with whom she was having an affair. My wife’s affair partner was also:

A husband.

A father.

A son.

A brother.

An uncle.

A youth advisor.

A Christian church advisor.

His most important role — far more important than being a doctor — was being an honorable and faithful husband and father. One his wife and children could love, trust, respect, and depend on. His infidelity with my wife was a blatant betrayal of his marriage commitment and vows and a complete disregard for parental integrity.

He was also a son and brother. His affair and adultery reflected poorly on his character and his parents and siblings. His decision and actions of betrayal and infidelity, and their consequences, impacted his parents, siblings, nephews, and nieces and would be a part of their family lives and history forever.

He was a church and youth advisor. His infidelity contradicted his required code of conduct as an advisor in his church and youth group. He was to set an example in his church and youth group about the importance of marriage, children, and family. His infidelity violated the trust his church and youth group had in him.

He was so much more than a doctor. Since learning of his affair with my wife, his wife and children lost faith and confidence in him. His wife divorced him. His parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews have undoubtedly had to grapple with what he did and its impact on them and his children. He no longer advises at church or in his youth group.

Years later, he is still a doctor but now an ex-husband, distrusted and alienated father, and former golden child, brother, and uncle. He is a man who chose emotional and sexual infidelity over his marriage, spouse, children, family, parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, church, and youth group. He is an unapologetic adulterer. He denies the damage he has done to himself, his family, and my family. Like my wife, he should have valued, respected, honored, and protected his marriage, spouse, and children.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.