Within a month or so of learning of my wife’s serial infidelity, we went from planning our 25th wedding anniversary to planning our divorce. As the weeks went on, my wife found out that her affair partner wasn’t as committed as she was to turning their affair into a marriage. He was married with children and hadn’t planned on leaving his wife and children for my wife, his mistress.

My wife did a 180-degree turn from insisting on divorce to asking if we could work out our marriage. I was shocked and disoriented by her abrupt shift. She seemed so confident that she had finally met ‘Mr. Right’ that I had assumed she would eventually marry him after our divorce. I was surprised to learn they were not equally committed to each other.

For the next few weeks, my wife and I discussed ‘fixing’ our marriage and going to ‘marriage counseling’ together. Initially, our conversations were hopeful but it was only talk for her. She would agree to the counseling but would never attend. She would vacillate back and forth about marriage counseling and working out our marriage.

I soon decided she didn’t know what she wanted or was running an elaborate ruse. One day she approached me about ‘separating’ for a while so we could determine if we wanted to work things out. At this point, I didn’t care if we worked it out. I was only doing it for our children. She had been unfaithful and I didn’t see any contrition from her. I told her that I’d rather get divorced. She responded that we could still try to work things out while separated. I then responded that if she wanted to work things out after our divorce I might be open to it but I wasn’t willing to be in ‘marriage limbo’ by being separated with no plan or timeline for working things out. She was frustrated with this but I was fine moving on.

Not long after, I finished filing for divorce. While I wasn’t particularly happy about the end of my marriage, I was content knowing that I had tried to work things out with my ex-wife. She couldn’t provide any significant areas for us to work on and she wasn’t willing to follow through with seeing a marriage counselor together so there wasn’t a way to work things out in the end. I have since looked back at the events leading up to our divorce and can say I am glad I wasn’t willing to ‘separate’ to work things out. I know too many couples who separated with plans to work out their marriage but none of them worked out. Not one.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.