(This is a contributed article.)
Until a few years ago, I enjoyed celebrating Father’s Day with my wife and children. My father was what many would consider to be an absentee father. I decided early on in life to be a present and active father. I didn’t want to be like my father.
Despite my best intentions, I haven’t been a perfect father. Being a great father has been harder than I could have ever anticipated. It requires much work, sacrifice, patience, respect, emotional intelligence, and love. There are no days off. Bad days are a given. Good days are a blessing. Every day as a father is a gift and an honor, but they can also tax you until you are exhausted and collapse. My children mean everything to me so I get back up, brush the dust off, and return to work as their father.
However, about three years ago, my role as father was hijacked. My wife’s midlife crisis led her to make some seriously bad decisions, including infidelity. Both her decisions and her affair partner’s decisions altered our lives, especially for our children.
Our divorce and her infidelity are still very fresh and present for me and our children. Our lives have changed so much that I mourn for my children and what they lost.
Father’s Day for my children is a reminder of the loss of their intact original family. My children are now part of a new family with step-siblings combined through second marriages. While I know they will adjust, it is understandably something they are still adjusting and acclimating to.
I try not to blame my wife and her affair partner for breaking our family apart but I still do. What they did and how it has hurt our children is so selfish and hurtful I can’t even begin to adequately describe it. I doubt that either of them recognizes the devastating damage they have done yet. Both Father’s Day and Mother’s Day should be poignant reminders of how they betrayed and hurt their children. Their mistakes and selfish decisions to have an affair have forever changed our family dynamics.
I hope my children rebound from this and are more resilient and happy than they are now. I hope and pray the gaping hole in our family is filled eventually.
My role and responsibility as my children’s father have been altered. I hope that those who read my story will be vigilant in protecting their family from infidelity — especially fathers and mothers. Act with honor and integrity, your children’s lives depend on it.
Recovering from Infidelity
If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!
Share Your Story
The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.
About the CHADIE Foundation
The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.
The CHADIE Foundation 