(This is a contributed article.)

As a father, you learn that your primary responsibilities to your children are to love, teach, counsel, correct, and protect them. My children have been my primary responsibility since they were born. As they grow up, my direct influence on them lessens because they mature, exercise independence, and practice what they have learned. Until that happens, they are my primary responsibility.

Until a few years ago, I assumed most men took the responsibility of being a father as seriously as I did. I was wrong. I was wrong and I am deeply saddened by it.

When my wife chose to have an affair, she chose an affair partner who was a despicable man. A man who is without conscience or remorse. A soulless man. A player and a pretender.

While my wife and I were separated during our divorce process, her affair partner would invite her over to his apartment to have sex. His invitation meant she would need to leave our minor daughter at home by herself while she had sex with him and slept overnight with him. He knew that if she accepted his invitation it meant my daughter would be left home alone. My wife accepted his many invitations with no shame or remorse.

When I found out about the frequency at which their sleepovers happened, I asked myself:

• What type of man regularly invites a mother, my wife, to leave her minor daughter at home so he could commit adultery with her?
• What type of mother accepts an invitation to commit adultery from a married man who abandoned his wife and children for an affair?
• How selfish and misguided were they to neglect their marital and parental responsibilities for an affair that would tarnish their reputations as well as hurt their spouses and children for the rest of their lives?

The answers to my questions were startling but quite telling too:

• He was a man who put his ‘sexual fantasies’ above being a good husband, father, or Christian (as he proclaimed himself to be). A man who put his sexual desires above the safety and protection of my daughter. A man I didn’t want near my family or children.
• He was a husband who abandoned his wife and children to have an affair with a married woman. A man who, with my wife, had an affair that ended two marriages and split families.
• She was a wife who valued ‘extramarital affair fantasy’ over our child and marriage.

How did they justify and condone their behavior with each other? As a father or mother, this behavior is unconscionable. Regardless of where a marriage is, honoring and protecting your children comes first. Parental integrity and responsibility are paramount. Minor children should never be left home alone while their parents leave to break marriage vows and neglect their children.

A few years have passed, but instead of owning up to their bad parenting, they have both denied their sleepovers and their neglect of my daughter. They are without conscience or integrity. Their actions denied me the ability to protect my daughter from their parental negligence.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.