(This is a contributed article.)

It isn’t hard to replace a cheating spouse. It isn’t. It is pretty easy. I ended up with a significant upgrade. I speak from experience. A delusional and unrepentant cheater is easily replaced.

If you have decided to divorce your cheating spouse, it won’t be hard to replace them. (I caution you as a reader to consider all your options before divorcing. Divorce should be a last resort decision.)

However, what is hard — and I mean very hard — is dealing with the following:

• Splitting up your family and children. Splitting time, special occasions, holidays, school events, extracurricular events, etc. is a nightmare for children and can make them feel like they have no control over where they go, when they go, or who they have to be with.
• Realizing that no matter what you do, the divorce will leave a lifelong mental and emotional impact on your children. Even an empty void.
• Feeling like you failed your children and those you love by getting divorced.
• Dealing with a vindictive and embittered cheating ex-spouse.
• The confusion your children will have about marriage, commitment, betrayal, deception, and the difficult emotions and feelings they will have associated with them.
• Recognizing that even though your spouse betrayed you, your children are the ones who were ultimately betrayed and deceived. You may move on after healing and remarry but your children will be left in the middle of sorting out their new family dynamics.
• Accepting that your bitter and vindictive ex-spouse’s mission in life is to slander, degrade, defame, and misrepresent your marriage, divorce, and your character to your children.
• The anxiety and angst your children may feel about relationships, commitment, trust, betrayal, marriage, etc. as their adulting.

Of course, there are more areas to add to this list but the point is that you can’t ever go back to the way things were. Your relationship with your children will be altered from what it was before your spouse’s infidelity and the divorce that followed. They will carry with them the pains of betrayal and divorce. Your spouse may try everything they can to shift blame, alienate, align, misrepresent, deceive, and parentify your children. Some cheating ex-spouses lash out in irrational ways when confronted with what they did and the guilt and shame they have to face. Many won’t accept responsibility or accountability for wrecking the marriage or impacting your children’s lives.

Approach divorce with both eyes wide open. Protect your children the best you can. Understand that your children are at high risk for mental and emotional trauma when forced to confront their new reality.

The best you can do is try to minimize the impact divorce has on them. Be patient and understanding. Be steady and ready to protect and guide them through the difficulties ahead. It won’t be easy but it will be worth it!

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.