Whether you have been betrayed, are a child of a betraying parent, or are a betrayer, it can be painful and challenging in the wake of the revelation of the betrayal. What was will no longer be. There is no going back. Forgiveness and healing will take time and effort. Possibly even years or decades.

Speaking specifically to the betrayed spouse now, you have rights and responsibilities as a betrayed victim. Like the U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights, you have ‘inalienable rights’ in marriage and as a victim of marital betrayal. However, your rights as a betrayed spouse come into play because your ‘Bill of Rights’ in marriage was violated.

Your rights — and responsibilities — as a victim of marital betrayal include but are not limited to the following:

• To stay in the marriage if — and only if — I believe you are contrite, remorseful, and committed to making all necessary reparations and restitution for your betrayal
• To divorce and move on if that is what I feel I need to do
• To be changed by what the betrayal did to our marriage
• To grieve and mourn, in my way and time, the loss of all I thought was real and true about our marriage
• To go through all of the emotions required to work through the betrayal of our marriage
• To not be shamed, guilted, or gaslighted about your betrayal and infidelity
• To require unconditional commitment, fidelity, and respect as a condition of continued marriage
• To determine healthy boundaries moving forward for our marriage
• To take time for physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing
• To be treated with honesty, respect, honor, and integrity
• To trust or not trust you in the wake of your dishonest and deceptive betrayal and infidelity
• To honor and respect myself whether you do or not
• To be heard and listened to
• To feel safe, loved, adored, and appreciated in sickness and in health
• To be allowed to express feelings without being criticized or attacked
• To make decisions and be responsible and accountable for them
• To make mistakes and learn from them
• To pursue personal interests, hobbies, learning, self-improvement, and education to improve quality of life
• To not be pressured to do things that go against moral beliefs and principles
• To not have affection, intimacy, and sex used against me as coercion, manipulation, or betrayal
• To never be exposed to the risk of STDs and STIs through your infidelity
• To respectfully bear and raise our children together
• To respectfully honor both marriage and children
• To honorably end the marriage if everything that can be done to save it was done but failed

The above ‘Bill of Rights for the Betrayed’ is the foundation for repairing and rebuilding a marriage and family.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.