(This is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

During our mediation, my unfaithful husband did everything he could to avoid paying alimony to me. We had been married for almost 20 years and had a couple of beautiful children together. It seemed, however, that he wanted to ride off into the sunset with his deplorable mistress.

We went through a few days of mediation. On the last day, while our attorneys were arguing and getting absolutely nowhere, I texted my husband across the table and offered him a solution. He believed I would never remarry again because I was broken and unlovable. As such, he didn’t want to pay me alimony for 20 years. So, I appealed to the remaining humanity he had left and suggested that he only pay for seven years rather than be on the hook for all 20 years. However, as part of this arrangement, the seven years would be guaranteed regardless if I stayed single or remarried. He agreed and smiled as he sent his text to me, undoubtedly thinking he was getting the better deal.

I had worked long and hard while my husband went through an advanced school degree. His schooling took us to a few different states and then out of the country for a few years. I had worked while bearing and raising our children and he attended school and studied. He didn’t work, so work, among many other responsibilities, fell on me.

To show just how thankful he was for all of my sacrifice over the 20 years of marriage, he fought paying me alimony and only asked for the minimum required custody time with our children. He was a gem—a truly committed husband and father.

Within a year of our divorce, I met an outstanding man who respected me and grew to adore my children. We fell in love! We married and started our new lives together. However, my ex-husband and his live-in mistress decided that since I had remarried, they would take me back to court and sue me over the continuance of alimony. They wanted the court to rescind our alimony agreement.

After months of costly legal back and forth and some court days, the court decision came down in favor of our original agreement. I appreciate the fact that the court upheld our agreement and held my ex-husband accountable for keeping his promise. My ex-husband showed me that he was not willing to pay me alimony for the time I sacrificed for him, our marriage, and our children during our 20-year marriage. He would have drawn out our mediation and gone to court for years. I made an educated gamble that if I offered a middle-ground solution, he would soften his approach and be willing to pay alimony for a significantly reduced time. He showed me and our children how much he respected and valued our marriage and family by taking the easiest path out of marriage. His focus was on his mistress and only that mattered to him.

While his mistress is as ethically and morally bankrupt as he is, someday she may recognize that when he is done with her, he may treat her with as much disrespect and disregard as he did me and our children. Whether that day comes or not, I am very thankful to be divorced from my ex-husband and married to a man who treats me with kindness, love, and respect. The difference between my two marriages is uncanny. I thank Heaven that I am married to a good man who is committed and faithful to me and our children — he accepts me in all of my imperfections and one I love and adore with all of his. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I hope that all who have been betrayed will find a spouse as good mine.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.