Part 3 of a 6-Part Series

(The following story is based on interviews with ‘Will’ and ‘Kate’ and includes extracts from their affair communications. Direct quotes and insights from their discussions and their communications are used. Some additional insights from their spouses are also included. Names have been anonymized. This is Part 3 of a 6-part series. You can access parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 here.)

The Transition to Physical Intimacy: Deepening the Entanglement

As weeks pass, Will and Kate’s relationship evolves from emotional dependence to physical intimacy. This transition marks a significant escalation in their affair, intensifying their bond and amplifying the risks and consequences of their actions. Their texts during this period reveal a relationship propelled by passion and secrecy, entwined with rationalizations and escalating delusions.

Physical Intimacy as an Emotional Amplifier

For Will and Kate, crossing into physical intimacy represents a point of no return. It serves as both a reinforcement of their connection and a gateway to deeper emotional and psychological complications. Will captures this shift in one of his texts:

“After I kissed you, my higher-functioning brain shut off. I couldn’t think clearly. It was just us.”

This statement highlights the overwhelming intensity of their physical connection. Neurologically, physical intimacy triggers the release of oxytocin and dopamine, creating feelings of attachment and reward. For Will, these chemical responses blur the line between passion and reason, heightening his emotional dependence on Kate.

Kate’s response mirrors his sentiment:

“Being with you feels like everything I’ve ever wanted. It’s natural, easy, perfect.”

Kate’s description idealizes their physical relationship, framing it as a confirmation of their compatibility. However, this perception is rooted in fantasy rather than reality, as it ignores the ethical and emotional complexities of their affair.

The Role of Secrecy in Escalating Desire

The secrecy surrounding their physical encounters adds another layer of intensity to their connection. Will and Kate meticulously plan their meetings, often choosing secluded locations to avoid detection. In one instance, Will suggests:

“Come to my office. There’s a call room with a bed. It’s quiet, and we won’t be interrupted.”

This level of logistical planning underscores the lengths they are willing to go to sustain their affair. From a psychological perspective, secrecy and risk heighten the thrill of their interactions, reinforcing the dopamine-driven cycle of reward and craving.

Kate, emboldened by these secretive rendezvous, begins to view their relationship as untouchable. She writes:

“We’ve created something so special, so unique. No one can understand this except us.”

Such statements reflect a psychological phenomenon known as “affair fog,” where individuals in extramarital relationships develop a distorted perception of their connection. The heightened emotions and secrecy create a bubble that feels impermeable to outside judgment.

The Impact of Physical Intimacy on Rationality

As their physical relationship deepens, Will and Kate struggle to maintain perspective. Will expresses this conflict in a candid admission:

“We almost couldn’t stop. If this keeps happening, I don’t know if I’ll be able to think straight.”

This acknowledgment highlights the paradox of their affair: while their connection brings them joy, it also erodes their ability to make rational decisions. Will’s covert narcissism further complicates this dynamic, as his desire for validation overrides his awareness of potential consequences.

Kate, too, grapples with the implications of their physical intimacy. She writes:

“I know this complicates things, but I don’t regret a second of it. It just feels right.”

Her words reflect a deepening self-deception, as she frames their actions as inevitable rather than a choice. This rationalization allows her to avoid confronting the betrayal inherent in their relationship.

Will’s Sexual Aggression and Narcissistic Tendencies

Will:

“The other part is physical. Last week was pretty intense. Lots of craving you. I’m feeling it again today. Whew! 🔥 We almost got a hotel room, and made love. I’m amazed at your power over me. I was going to have you come to my office, and there is a call room in there, with a bed. That’s kinda dangerous, and I was not thinking clearly… With our physical relationship, it can get so passionate that I don’t trust myself to make good decisions. My higher functioning brain literally shuts off, and my primal brain takes over. All I know is what I want then and now, and forget the consequences. But it’s also so fun, and exciting.”

Will’s description of his sexual cravings illustrates his focus on physical gratification and how he allows his desires to override his judgment. His admission of his “primal brain” taking over aligns with narcissistic tendencies, where impulsive needs take precedence over responsibility or consequences. The way he emphasizes the “fun and exciting” aspects reflects his lack of empathy for the broader impact of his actions on others, including Kate and their families.

Will:

“We almost couldn’t stop a week ago. I think it would be a mistake to go that far, and have us not work out (i.e., marriage). I think you would resent me, as time went on. Like the stereotypical guy who ‘gets what he wants’ and moves on. I don’t want to cheapen what we have. I want to protect it.”

This message reveals Will’s self-awareness about how his actions could be perceived, but his phrasing remains self-centered. By referencing the “stereotypical guy,” he distances himself from such behavior while admitting his concern about being resented, a reflection of his underlying fear of losing control or status in the relationship. His focus on “protecting” their connection is framed more as a way to preserve his idealized version of their affair rather than addressing the emotional harm caused to others.

Kate’s Response and Emotional Dependency

Kate:

“Thinking of what you’re willing to give up for the idea of ‘us’ is humbling. I know we are still working this out, but this brings me to tears.”

Kate’s response reflects her emotional entanglement and her tendency to romanticize Will’s declarations. While she acknowledges the risks, she views his desires and actions as a testament to their bond, illustrating her deep emotional dependency on him. This dynamic feeds into Will’s need for validation and control, further reinforcing his narcissistic tendencies.

Will’s Primal Desires

Will:

“All day I wanted to take you to a hotel room, and have my way with you. It was overwhelming.”

Will’s explicit declaration reveals his intense physical desire and focus on self-gratification. The phrase “have my way with you” demonstrates his assertion of control and dominance, hallmarks of his covert narcissism. His framing of the desire as “overwhelming” positions him as a victim of uncontrollable impulses, deflecting accountability and portraying his actions as inevitable rather than a choice.

Struggles with Self-Control

Will:

“My carnal brain was going to how and when to get a hotel room and make love to you. We are so far gone. Is there a way to pull out of this? We both can’t think straight.”

Will’s admission of losing control of his “carnal brain” further reflects his tendency to excuse his desires as overpowering rather than a result of conscious decisions. His lack of accountability highlights his covert narcissism, as he prioritizes the thrill and passion of the affair over the consequences for Kate and their families.

Kate’s Responses and Vulnerability

Text Excerpt:
Kate:

“I wanted you to ask me to go to a hotel room… I’m so selfish with you. I want you all to myself.”​

Kate’s response reflects her growing dependency and willingness to indulge in the affair, even at the cost of her moral boundaries. Her statement, “I’m so selfish with you,” underscores her emotional vulnerability and how Will’s attentions have blinded her to the consequences of their actions. This dynamic reinforces Will’s control, as Kate continues to affirm his desires while neglecting her self-respect and responsibility.

Sexual Tension and Boundaries

Will:

“With our physical relationship, it can get so passionate that I don’t trust myself to make good decisions. My higher functioning brain literally shuts off, and my primal brain takes over. All I know is what I want then and now, and forget the consequences. But it’s also so fun, and exciting.”

This quote encapsulates Will’s pattern of excusing impulsive behavior by attributing it to biological drives. His description of “primal brain” dominance and disregard for consequences reflects his narcissistic inability to prioritize the needs of others. The thrill of passion and excitement overrides his moral responsibilities, and his tone suggests he romanticizes this loss of control.

Will’s messages reveal a pattern of sexual dominance and self-centeredness, characteristic of covert narcissism. He frames his desires as overpowering yet intertwined with their emotional connection, manipulating Kate into seeing his impulsive behavior as a sign of passion. Kate’s responses illustrate her vulnerability and willingness to rationalize his actions, highlighting the imbalance in their relationship and the ways Will leverages his charm and dominance for self-gratification.

The Emotional Fallout on Their Families

As Will and Kate grow closer, their physical relationship begins to strain their ability to maintain appearances at home. In one text, Will admits:

“Annalie keeps asking why I’m distant. She says I’m emotionally gone, and she’s not wrong.”

Will’s emotional withdrawal from his marriage is a direct consequence of his deepening attachment to Kate. His acknowledgment of Annalie’s concerns is fleeting, as he quickly pivots back to his feelings of being misunderstood.

Kate faces a similar dynamic with Bryce. She writes:

“Bryce knows something is off. He keeps asking if I’m happy, and I don’t know how to answer.”

This admission underscores the emotional toll of maintaining dual lives. Kate’s inability to provide an honest answer reflects the cognitive dissonance she experiences, as she struggles to reconcile her actions with her role as a wife and mother.

The Heightened Risks of Discovery

With the escalation of their physical relationship, the risks of discovery grow exponentially. Will’s carelessness nearly exposes the affair when Annalie finds undeleted messages on his phone. He writes:

“Annalie went into my phone after I fell asleep. She knows about us. I should have been more careful.”

This moment marks a turning point in their affair, as the veil of secrecy begins to unravel. Will’s response reflects both panic and a continued reluctance to take responsibility for his actions.

Kate’s reaction reveals her growing dependency on Will:

“What does this mean for us? We’ve come so far. I can’t lose you now.”

Her fear of losing Will underscores the precarious nature of their connection. Despite the mounting risks, she clings to the belief that their relationship can withstand external scrutiny.

Physical Intimacy and Power Dynamics

As their physical relationship deepens, the power dynamics between Will and Kate become more pronounced. Will’s covert narcissism surfaces in his attempts to control the pace and terms of their intimacy. He writes:

“Maybe we should put the brakes on kissing for a while. I can’t trust myself to make good decisions when I’m around you.”

While this may appear as an act of restraint, it subtly shifts the power dynamic in Will’s favor. By framing his desires as uncontrollable, he absolves himself of accountability for their actions.

Kate, in contrast, becomes increasingly willing to surrender control. She responds:

“I trust you to protect us. Whatever you think is best, I’ll follow.”

Her submission reflects the imbalance in their relationship, as she places her faith in Will to navigate the complexities of their affair. This dynamic not only reinforces Will’s narcissistic tendencies but also leaves Kate vulnerable to further manipulation.

True Intentions Revealed

Shortly after completing his conquest, Will ‘temporarily ends’ the affair suggesting he needs to spend time with his family because his wife wasn’t well. He justifies temporarily ending the affair by suggesting he needs time to help his family and to see if his affair with Kate is “real” or not.

Will’s behavior underscores the complexities of covert narcissism in the context of infidelity. His ability to manipulate, misrepresent, and navigate multiple relationships simultaneously reveals a calculated approach to self-preservation. By framing his actions as exploratory or uncertain, Will avoids full accountability while maximizing his emotional and relational options. With this manipulation, Will can complete his conquest of Kate and then move on.

Key Takeaways

The transition to physical intimacy marks a pivotal stage in Will and Kate’s affair. Their bond, fueled by secrecy and passion, deepens at the expense of their rationality and familial responsibilities. While their relationship brings them moments of euphoria, it also propels them into a web of risks and consequences that will prove increasingly difficult to navigate.

(You can access parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 here.)

Next Chapter

In the next chapter, we will examine how their affair unravels as the emotional toll on their families and themselves becomes impossible to ignore.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed your marriage’s trust, love, and fidelity, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

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The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you want to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.