A father’s heartfelt wish for his aligned and alienated child

(This is a contributed article.)

I know you’ve chosen not to talk to or see me for a while now. I can only imagine how hard things must feel for you — to carry hurt, confusion, maybe even anger toward me. I want you to know that no matter how long it’s been, I’ve never stopped loving you. Not for a moment.

I’m not writing to make you feel guilty or to argue with what you believe. I’m writing because I miss you. Because I know that at some point, you might start wondering about things you were told — things that shaped how you see me and our family. And I want you to know that when that day comes, I’ll be here. Not to prove myself — but to show up, honestly and patiently, for whatever you need.

During the divorce, things were going on in our family that you shouldn’t have had to carry. You were placed in the middle of something between your mom and me, and that wasn’t fair to you. You were a child, and it was our job to protect you from adult pain, not hand it to you. Neither you nor I can help what your mom did, how it led to our divorce, the splitting of our family, or how it has impacted your life.

You may have been told stories about me — about who I was, what I felt, what I did, or didn’t do. Some of those things may have been distorted or influenced by hurt and fear. As a result, these things may seem to excuse or justify your mom’s betrayal and continued manipulation. They don’t. They only add to the pain and harm.

I can’t control what you were told, but I can promise you this: you are allowed to ask questions. You are allowed to feel angry, sad, curious, or conflicted. You are allowed to know both sides. (You should know both sides so you are informed and able to work through the manipulation and discern the truth.) And you are allowed to rebuild your view of your father, not based on what your mother or others may have said, but on your own heart and experiences.

My heart aches for you. My only desire is for you to be happy and free of the manipulation, alignment, and alienation you have been subjected to.

If there’s ever a day when you are ready or want to talk, even just a little, I’ll be here. No judgment. No pressure. Just love. — Dad

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! There is hope if you are a spouse who has betrayed your marriage’s trust, love, and fidelity! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy, as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone, and recovery and healing are possible!

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The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you want to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma) helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.