Is it possible you’ve been given only part of the story?

(This is a contributed article.)

To My Children,

I know this situation feels incredibly complicated. Some of you may feel caught in the middle. Some of you may be angry with me as your father, or feel closer to your mom, or be unsure who to trust anymore. All of those feelings are okay, and no one is blaming you for them.

But I want to speak to something that can be very hard to see when you’re living inside it: Sometimes, when adults are struggling with their insecurities, pain, or guilt, they try to manage that pain by controlling the story and others. They may try to pull others, especially children, into their version of events, not necessarily out of evil intent, but from their self-betrayal, self-deception, hurt, fear, or desire to protect how they see themselves.

If you’ve heard things from your mother that made you question my character, love, or my role in your life, I ask you to pause, not to dismiss what you feel, but to reflect. Is it possible you’ve been given only part of the story? Is it possible that someone else’s anger or guilt has shaped the way you see the situation?

I am not perfect, not even close. I never will be. But I love you. And despite being deeply hurt, I have not tried to turn you against your mom. That restraint is not weakness; it’s love. I’m trying to let you think and feel for yourselves, even when it would be easier to defend myself, fight back with facts, and a different narrative than the one you have been hearing.

You might feel like trust has been broken in all directions. That’s understandable. When a parent betrays, manipulates, fights, lies, or hides the truth, children often feel like they can’t believe anyone. But healing doesn’t begin with choosing sides; it begins with choosing truth. And truth isn’t just something you’re told, it’s something you discover, through questions, honesty, and time. You can only understand the truth when you are open to hearing both sides, weighing the sides and facts, and then asking questions and seeking clarification.

You don’t have to pick a parent. You don’t have to figure it all out right now. But you do have the right to your thoughts, your voice, and your process of understanding what happened in your family. And no one, no parent, should ever take that away from you. And, more importantly, no parent should ever coerce you into believing something that isn’t true.

I only encourage you to be open to understanding motivations and then listening to both sides, not just one side. If you are open to listening and learning, you can make an informed decision. What you have been dealing with the last few years is unfair, life-altering, extremely unfortunate, and something that no child should ever have to deal with. You deserve to know the truth and to be free from the fear, doubt, pain, and anxiety that you may be feeling.

I know you will figure this out. Until then, just know that I am here and ready to talk when you are.

Love, Dad.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! There is hope if you are a spouse who has betrayed your marriage’s trust, love, and fidelity! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy, as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone, and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you want to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma) helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.