Father’s Day is a time to celebrate the dads who love, show up, and sacrifice for their children. But for many men, whether reeling from a spouse’s betrayal or burdened by guilt over their own, this day can bring a complicated mix of grief, shame, and longing. If you’ve faced infidelity in your marriage or committed it, you’re not alone. Though the wounds run deep, this Father’s Day can also mark a turning point: a day to face pain honestly, accept responsibility, and recommit to integrity in fatherhood

Why Does Infidelity Happen?

Infidelity takes many forms. It can be physical — an extramarital sexual encounter — or emotional, such as a secret online relationship that eats away at trust. Research suggests roughly 20–25% of married men report engaging in an affair at some point; emotional affairs may be even more common, fueled by unmet needs for connection and validation.¹ Common drivers include:

• Unmet emotional needs. Long stretches of stress, loneliness, or feeling taken for granted can push a father to seek empathy elsewhere.

• Opportunity and temptation. Work trips, social media anonymity, or rekindled friendships can open doors men never intended to walk through.

• Life transitions. A mid‑life crisis, career setback, or empty‑nest anxiety can trigger a search for meaning or excitement.

• Addiction patterns. Compulsive behaviors — sexual, digital, or substance‑related — can erode boundaries and self‑control.

Regardless of the cause, the impact radiates through every corner of family life.

The Betrayed Father: From Shock to Self‑Doubt

When a father discovers an affair, the initial reaction is often shock and disbelief. “That can’t be real,” echoed by racing heartbeats and sleepless nights, gives way to anger, grief, and even the numbing urge to escape. As the dust settles, many men wrestle with questions of self‑worth:

“Was I not enough?”

“How did I miss the signs?”

“What does this say about me as a man and father?”

These internal battles can spill over into the co‑parenting relationship. Communication breaks down, legal and financial worries mount, and children absorb the tension, even if they don’t fully understand why Mom and Dad aren’t speaking. Younger kids may regress to clinginess or tantrums; teens might lash out or withdraw; adult children may take sides or withdraw. For the betrayed father, the ache isn’t only for a lost marriage but for the sense of safety and unity he once provided to his family.

The Betraying Father: Guilt, Shame & the Quest for Redemption

If you’re the father who strayed, you may be living with a heavy mix of guilt and shame. Some men describe feeling relief in the moment, an escape hatch from emotional stress, only to be swallowed by regret once reality returns. You might find yourself:

• Paralyzed by shame. “I’m a hypocrite,” you think, as every memory of your children’s love, respect, and pride in you feels tainted.

• Wondering if you can ever repair things. The fear of losing your children’s trust can be as terrifying as the affair itself.

• Caught between self‑punishment and self‑compassion. Owning responsibility is crucial, but beating yourself up endlessly will only delay real change.

Understanding why you strayed is the first step toward prevention. Low self‑esteem, an addictive personality, or a need for external validation can all play roles. Professional help — whether individual therapy for underlying issues or specialized programs for sexual compulsivity — offers both accountability and a path toward rebuilding your integrity.

The Family System: How Betrayal Ripples Outward

Infidelity never happens in isolation. Its effects cascade through every relationship:

• Between partners. Trust, once broken, demands consistent, intentional rebuilding. Small commitments (sharing phone passwords, scheduling weekly check‑ins) become the new currency of safety.

• With children. Kids may fear choosing sides, blame themselves, or lose faith in all adult relationships. Open, age‑appropriate conversations help them understand that adult choices, not their behavior, caused the fracture.

• In the wider circle. Friends, in‑laws, and faith communities may rally around one parent, deepening resentment or isolation. Finding neutral support, like a counselor or men’s group, can prevent unhelpful gossip or pressure.

Paths to Healing: From Individual Growth to Co‑Parenting Stability

No one “recovers” from betrayal overnight. Healing unfolds on multiple fronts:

1. Individual support.

• Therapy. Cognitive‑behavioral therapy to manage overwhelming emotions. EMDR or trauma‑informed work for deep grief.

• Men’s groups. Safe spaces to share struggles without judgment, helping you realize you’re not alone.

• Self‑care basics. Regular sleep, balanced nutrition, and exercise stabilize mood and resilience.

2. Couples work.

• Structured forgiveness processes. Guided exercises (often led by a counselor) to express hurt, ask and grant forgiveness, and set new boundaries.

• Transparent routines. Shared calendars, honest check‑ins, and clear agreements around privacy help rebuild trust brick by brick.

3. Co‑parenting focus.

• Consistent parenting plan. Even if the romantic relationship ends, a shared plan for holidays, school events, and daily routines reassures children.

• Positive father—child rituals. Weekly one‑on‑one outings (fishing, movie night) reinforce your role as a dependable dad, no matter what’s happening between you and your partner.

Father’s Day Rituals for Healing

This year, consider marking Father’s Day not with grand gestures but with small, intentional acts that honor growth:

• Write a letter. Whether to yourself, your children, or your spouse, express what you’ve learned and your commitments moving forward.

• Plant something together. A tree or garden symbolizes the new life you’re nurturing in your family.

• Share a meal with a mentor. Invite an older father figure who’s weathered storms to reflect together on fatherhood’s ups and downs.

These rituals signal that Father’s Day can be both a celebration and a starting line for renewed connection.

Resources & Next Steps

Books:

• After the Affair by Janis Abrahms Spring (on rebuilding trust)

• The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes (understanding trauma responses)

Support groups:

• Online infidelity recovery forums (e.g., SurvivingInfidelity.com)

• Local men’s wellness centers (via Psychology Today directory)

Finding a therapist:

• Use the International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT.org) for a couples therapist.

• Look for a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) through SASH.net.

Conclusion

Whether your Father’s Day is shadowed by the sting of betrayal or the weight of your mistakes, know that healing is possible, and your children’s hope for you matters. Today can be more than a reminder of what was lost; it can be the day you choose compassion over shame, honesty over silence, and integrity over fear. As you honor Father’s Day this year, may you also honor the courage it takes to face pain, rebuild trust, and model for your children what true strength looks like.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone, and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma) helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.