There are so many stories of marriages that end due to extramarital affairs. It’s clear how destructive affairs are to spouses, marriages, families, and children. However, what isn’t as clear is how many marriages affairs create versus destroy and end.

What does it take to turn an affair into a marriage? Upfront, most research recognizes that the vast majority of affairs fail to produce a marriage. This means some math needs to be applied to attempt to solve the question. Even though there are no simple statistical formulas for determining how many extramarital affairs a spouse would need to have before marrying their affair partner. There are a variety of factors, including personal values, relationship dynamics, and the circumstances surrounding the affair, that need to be factored in. However, research on infidelity does provide some insight into patterns. (We advocate for more research to be done on this and its impact on families and children.)

In general, a small percentage of affairs result in a marriage to the affair partner. Studies suggest that only about 3–5% of people who engage in infidelity end up marrying the affair partner. These relationships tend to be more complicated and involve many variables such as emotional attachment, timing, opportunity, and the circumstances that led to the affair.

The number of affairs is less predictive than factors such as whether the affair is an emotional or physical connection, how the individual and their partner perceive the affair, and how the affair impacts the existing marriage. Ultimately, while many individuals may have multiple affairs, only a few will result in a long-term commitment or remarriage.

Crunching the Data

To build a model that predicts how many affairs a cheating spouse would need to have before potentially marrying their affair partner, we would need to account for multiple variables. This kind of model is complex, given the human and psychological factors involved:

Key Variables:

1. Number of Affairs: The total number of affairs a person has had over time.
2. Duration of Each Affair: The length of time the affair lasted, which could indicate the level of emotional attachment.
3. Emotional Intensity: Whether the affair was primarily emotional or physical. Emotional affairs may increase the likelihood of eventually seeking marriage.
4. Marital Satisfaction: The level of dissatisfaction with the current marriage (e.g., how emotionally, mentally, or physically fulfilled the spouse feels in their original relationship).
5. Financial Stability: Whether the affair partner is perceived as a suitable life partner in terms of financial stability, which is a common consideration in long-term commitment decisions.
6. Cultural or Societal Norms: These could affect the likelihood of leaving a spouse for an affair partner (e.g., stigma around divorce, etc.).
7. Risk of Exposure: The level of secrecy surrounding the affair and the risk of it being discovered. Affairs that are kept secret for a longer period might be less likely to lead to marriage.
8. Communication and Relationship Skills: Whether the cheating spouse can communicate effectively with both their spouse and affair partner about their needs and desires, which could influence the likelihood of a marriage with the affair partner.
9. Personality Traits: Traits like impulsivity, risk-taking behavior, or the tendency to idealize new romantic relationships could affect the decision-making process.
10. Affair Partner’s Relationship Status: Whether the affair partner is also married or in a committed relationship. Affairs with single partners may have higher marriage potential.

Building the Model:

Given the data, a simple prediction could look like this:

• After one affair: 3% chance of marriage.
• After two affairs: 5–10% chance of marriage.
• After three to five affairs: 10–20% chance, assuming the affair is emotional, with a higher chance if the affair partner is single and there is a clear emotional attachment.
• After six or more affairs: The chance increases if there’s an ongoing connection, with the model predicting around a 25–30% likelihood, but only if the marital dissatisfaction is severe and the affair partner is also emotionally invested.

For those who end up married, what’s the likelihood they would end up happily married or not divorced later?

The likelihood that individuals who end up marrying their affair partner will remain happily married or avoid divorce is influenced by multiple psychological, relational, and contextual factors. Statistically speaking, research on relationships that began through infidelity shows that these marriages tend to face unique challenges, and the odds of a happy and lasting marriage can be lower compared to those who enter marriage without such a history.

Here are several factors to consider when assessing the likelihood of a successful, long-term marriage in these cases:

1. Foundation of the Relationship

• Emotional vs. Physical Affair: Marriages based on emotional affairs tend to have a higher probability of success than those based primarily on physical attraction. However, emotional affairs often involve secrecy, guilt, and unresolved issues that can complicate the relationship after marriage.
• Betrayal and Trust Issues: Marriages built on infidelity often start with a foundation of secrecy and dishonesty, which can lead to persistent trust issues. Trust is a key component of any successful relationship, and if it is severely damaged during the affair, the couple might struggle even after marriage.

Statistics: Research has found that marriages that started as affairs are more likely to experience conflict and are more vulnerable to divorce. Studies suggest that approximately 60–70% of marriages that begin as affairs end in divorce within a few years.

2. Marital Satisfaction

• Cultural and Societal Factors: In some societies or cultures, there may be a stigma attached to marrying someone with whom you had an affair. This can affect marital satisfaction and lead to pressure or guilt that may erode the relationship over time.
• Emotional Fulfillment: If the affair partner was perceived as a solution to unmet emotional needs, once the novelty wears off or when real-life issues arise, the relationship might struggle to meet these expectations, leading to dissatisfaction.

Statistics: According to some studies, about 50–60% of those who marry their affair partners report feeling unhappy or dissatisfied within a few years of marriage.

3. Commitment to Change

• Addressing Underlying Issues: If both partners are committed to addressing the issues that led to the affair (e.g., marital dissatisfaction, communication problems, etc.), the marriage could potentially overcome the initial challenges. However, if these issues are not addressed, they may resurface later in the marriage.
• Therapy and Counseling: Couples who actively seek marriage counseling or therapy to work through their infidelity and its aftermath may have a better chance of long-term success.

4. Previous Relationship Dynamics

• Divorce Rates for “Affair Marriages”: The divorce rate for marriages that began with infidelity is generally higher. Studies indicate that roughly 70–75% of couples who marry after an affair eventually divorce, with many citing issues like infidelity, unmet expectations, and emotional disconnection as reasons for the divorce.

Statistical Likelihood: Statistically speaking, couples who marry after an affair are significantly more likely to experience divorce compared to those who marry without this history. Research has found that the divorce rate for remarriages (including those that start with an affair) is approximately 60–67%, with marriages formed through infidelity potentially falling toward the higher end of that spectrum.

5. Long-Term Satisfaction and Stability

• Initial Excitement vs. Long-Term Reality: Marriages that are the result of affairs can be filled with passion and excitement in the early stages, but as the couple faces the realities of long-term commitment, the intensity of the affair may fade. If they haven’t fully processed the reasons for their initial marital dissatisfaction, these issues can resurface.

Statistical Trends: Research suggests that around 25–30% of couples who marry after an affair report achieving a stable and happy marriage after 10 or more years, though this number is still lower than for marriages that didn’t involve infidelity.

Summary:

• Likelihood of Happily Staying Married: The chances of a marriage formed after an affair being “happy” or lasting are lower than those of marriages formed without infidelity. Research suggests that approximately 25–30% of couples in these situations may experience lasting happiness.
• Likelihood of Divorce: Divorce rates among marriages that started from infidelity are higher, with statistics showing that 60–75% of such marriages end in divorce, often due to unresolved trust issues, guilt, or dissatisfaction.

These numbers reflect general trends, and individual outcomes can vary depending on the specific circumstances, efforts to address underlying problems, and the emotional commitment both partners are willing to invest in making the relationship work after the affair.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed trust, love, and fidelity, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy, as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone, and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma) helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.