A Cheating Spouse’s Claim For the Right to Infidelity

The incoherent logic for finding happiness through infidelity

The argument a cheating spouse makes when they claim the right to find happiness through infidelity often suffers from several logical and ethical inconsistencies. Here’s an outline of the incoherent logic involved in such arguments:

1. Violation of Commitment:

• Marriage or committed relationships are often built on explicit agreements about exclusivity. By entering this relationship, the spouse voluntarily agreed to those terms, which include monogamy.
• Claiming the “right” to seek happiness through infidelity contradicts this initial agreement and breaches the commitment without renegotiating it. This undermines the integrity of their word and their commitment.

2. One-sided Justification:

• The spouse justifies their actions on the grounds of personal happiness while disregarding the impact of their behavior on their partner’s happiness and emotional well-being. It involves a selfish application of a principle (seeking happiness) that only benefits one person while harming the other.

3. Moral Hypocrisy:

• The cheating spouse often expects their partner to remain loyal and not engage in similar behavior, indicating a double standard. They might justify their actions while assuming the moral right to demand faithfulness from their spouse, which is inconsistent and hypocritical.

4. Lack of Transparency:

• Happiness derived from deception or betrayal is morally questionable because it is based on dishonesty. A person might claim the right to seek happiness, but this right cannot legitimately be exercised at the expense of another person’s trust and dignity.

5. Alternative Solutions Ignored:

• If the relationship is unfulfilling, there are ethical alternatives to cheating — such as open communication, couples therapy, or separation. By choosing infidelity instead of addressing the issues constructively, the cheating spouse avoids the necessary work to either improve the relationship or end it with integrity.

6. Denial of Consequences:

• The cheating spouse often ignores or minimizes the potential consequences of their actions, including the emotional damage to their partner, children, or extended family. Seeking happiness through an affair is built on the assumption that these consequences are either irrelevant or manageable, which is often delusional and self-serving.

7. Right to Happiness vs. Responsibility:

• While individuals have the right to pursue happiness, this right does not absolve them of responsibilities to others, particularly in committed relationships. Pursuing personal happiness in ways that violate trust and inflict harm on others is morally incoherent because it prioritizes one person’s desires over mutual respect and responsibility.

8. Denial of Personal Responsibility:

• The cheating spouse’s pursuit of happiness through infidelity often implies that the problems in the marriage are entirely the fault of the other spouse or the relationship itself, absolving them of any responsibility for contributing to the dissatisfaction. By framing the marriage as unfulfilling, they overlook their role in making the relationship work or addressing its issues in a constructive, ethical way.
• This narrative portrays the cheating spouse as a passive victim of the marriage, which conveniently justifies their choice to seek happiness outside it. In reality, relationships are two-way dynamics, and the spouse’s refusal to address or take responsibility for the state of the marriage indicates an unwillingness to engage in the hard work necessary to either heal the relationship or leave it honorably.

9. Escapism and Avoidance:

• Rather than confronting the underlying issues in the marriage — be they emotional, relational, or practical — the cheating spouse avoids the discomfort of facing those challenges. Infidelity becomes a form of escapism. This avoidance underscores a lack of emotional maturity and an unwillingness to engage in healthy conflict resolution or personal growth within the relationship.
• In doing so, the cheating spouse not only evades responsibility for contributing to the relationship but also perpetuates and amplifies the problems they claim to escape from, making the original issues even harder to address.

Key Takeaways

By refusing to acknowledge their role in the relationship’s problems, the cheating spouse not only invalidates their spouse and partner’s feelings but also erodes the possibility of working toward any meaningful resolution. This further highlights the self-serving and illogical nature of their pursuit of happiness at the expense of others.

These arguments are ultimately rooted in self-deception, where the cheating spouse reframes their pursuit of pleasure as a legitimate quest for happiness while disregarding the ethical dimensions of trust, commitment, and the well-being of others involved.

References

• Glass, S. P. (2003). Not Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity. Free Press.
• Baumeister, R. F., & Exline, J. J. (1999). “Virtue, personality, and social relations: Self-control as the moral muscle.” In M. P. Zanna (Ed.), Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 31, 201–252.
• Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Three Rivers Press.
• Hertlein, K. M., Wetchler, J. L., & Piercy, F. P. (2005). Infidelity: A Practitioner’s Guide to Working with Couples in Crisis. Routledge.
• Shriver, M. (2014). The Power of Infidelity: The Story of Cheating and How It Affects Relationships. Springer Publishing.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed trust, love, and fidelity, there is hope! We recommend that you get support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone, and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma) helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.