It’s My Right to Cheat on My Spouse!

Does anyone have the right to cheat on their spouse? When you consider innate human rights and those protected in the U.S., how can anyone justify betrayal and infidelity when they violate a spouse’s physical, mental, and emotional health? What about their children and their rights to faithful and committed parents and an intact family?

From a legal and ethical perspective, cheating on a spouse raises complex issues, but it is hard to justify betrayal and infidelity when framed in terms of the harm it causes to another person’s physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

1. Innate Human Rights: While everyone has the right to autonomy and personal freedom, these rights do not extend to harming others. When someone enters into a marriage, they typically commit to fidelity, and violating that commitment breaches the trust and the bond that formed the foundation of the relationship. In this sense, infidelity is a violation of the mutual understanding established in the relationship.
2. Legal Framework in the US: In the United States, marriage is both a legal and social contract. While cheating itself isn’t illegal, it can have serious legal consequences. In some states, infidelity can impact divorce proceedings, custody decisions, and even financial settlements. While people are free to make their own decisions in relationships, there are consequences for actions that cause harm to others, particularly in marriage.
3. Physical, Mental, and Emotional Harm: Infidelity can have devastating effects on the betrayed spouse’s mental health, leading to anxiety, depression, and even trauma. The emotional impact of betrayal can shake a person’s sense of security and self-worth. Physically, infidelity also carries significant risks — such as exposure to sexually transmitted infections (STIs/STDs) — that can directly affect the spouse’s health.

Ultimately, personal freedom must be balanced with ethical considerations, especially when that freedom infringes on the well-being of others. It’s difficult to find a justification for cheating when the harm to the other person is so evident and profound. Infidelity, at its core, is a betrayal of trust that undermines the core principles of respect and integrity in a relationship.

Infidelity is widely regarded as wrong due to its violation of ethical, emotional, and relational norms. Infidelity is considered wrong for several key reasons that relate to trust, honesty, and the ethical responsibilities we have in relationships:

1. Betrayal of Trust: Trust is the foundation of any committed relationship, and infidelity breaks that trust. When someone commits to a monogamous relationship, there’s an implicit or explicit understanding of mutual exclusivity. Cheating violates that promise and undermines the spouse or partner’s trust. Betrayal in this form can cause deep emotional wounds and erode the relationship’s stability.
2. Violation of Mutual Agreement: Marriage or long-term partnerships are often based on a mutual understanding of exclusivity. Infidelity violates this agreement, disregarding the terms that were established when the relationship began.
3. Emotional Harm: Infidelity often leads to severe emotional distress for the betrayed partner, including feelings of rejection, inadequacy, anger, and sadness. The emotional damage can have long-lasting psychological effects, such as anxiety, depression, and a loss of self-esteem.
4. Physical Health Risks: Infidelity also introduces physical risks, particularly the potential for sexually transmitted infections (STIs). A spouse who is unaware of the infidelity is exposed to these risks without their consent, violating their bodily autonomy and safety.
5. Erosion of Integrity: Honesty is a key pillar of ethical behavior, and infidelity involves deception — whether by lying or withholding the truth. This undermines the integrity of the individual who cheats and harms the ethical foundation of the relationship.
6. Impact on Families: Infidelity doesn’t only affect the betrayed spouse; it can ripple through the family, damaging the well-being of children, extended family members, and social support networks. The family unit is often destabilized by the resulting conflict, mistrust, or separation.
7. Moral and Ethical Breach: For many, fidelity is tied to personal values and morals. Cheating represents a failure to honor those principles, especially the commitment to loyalty, respect, and love for a partner. This ethical breach can lead to guilt and a sense of moral failure for the person who cheats.

Infidelity, at its core, disregards the needs, trust, and well-being of the betrayed spouse or partner, which is why it’s seen as a significant moral and relational wrong.

References

Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace: Building Effective Relationships in Your Organization

• Authors: Dennis S. Reina, Michelle L. Reina
• This book outlines how betrayal, including in personal relationships, breaks trust and its devastating emotional impacts. While focused on professional settings, the core concepts of trust and betrayal apply equally in intimate relationships.

The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity

• Author: Esther Perel
• Perel, a psychotherapist specializing in relationships, explores the emotional and psychological consequences of infidelity on individuals and relationships, explaining the deep harm caused by breaking the trust inherent in monogamous agreements.

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last

• Author: John M. Gottman
• Gottman, a renowned relationship researcher, details how infidelity destroys the emotional connection in marriage and leads to feelings of betrayal, loneliness, and mental health issues.

The Impact of Infidelity on the Family System

• Source: Journal of Family Issues, Vol. 31, №2, 2010
• This research study examines how infidelity disrupts not only the marital relationship but also the broader family dynamic, including the psychological and emotional toll on children and extended family members.

Ethical Principles and Infidelity

• Source: Journal of Couples Therapy, 2017
• Discusses the moral and ethical issues surrounding infidelity, including how cheating violates personal integrity, moral commitments, and societal expectations of loyalty and respect in relationships.

These references offer a foundational understanding of why infidelity is considered wrong from ethical, emotional, and relational perspectives.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed trust, love, and fidelity, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone, and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma) helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.