Why Affairs Destroy More Than They Produce

Diving into the Research and Evidence

Whether through ignorance or intentional rejection of available research, facts, and evidence, the rise in and impact of infidelity is irreversibly altering the lives of millions of children daily. Infidelity is a major contributing factor to the breakup of marriages and families. Why do parents willingly risk so much for so little? It is a question that remains perplexing.

1. Impact of Divorce on Children and Family Dynamics

American Psychological Association (APA) Research on Children of Divorce: Studies indicate children of divorced parents, especially in cases of infidelity, are more likely to struggle with trust and experience behavioral issues.
Reference: APA, “The Psychological Impact of Parental Divorce on Children,” American Psychological Association, 2019.
U.S. Census Bureau on Blended Family Dynamics: The Census Bureau discusses increased behavioral issues and academic challenges among children in blended families formed after affairs.

Reference: U.S. Census Bureau, “Living Arrangements of Children Under 18 Years Old: 2020,” U.S. Census Bureau, 2021.

2. Percentage of Affairs Leading to Marriage

Dr. Jan Halper’s research covers various aspects of relationship dynamics, noting that only around 10% of extramarital affairs result in marriage. (Other research studies suggest it is as low as 3% but as high as 10%.) This work has been referenced in various discussions on infidelity and marriage outcomes.

Journal of Sex Research (2018): This publication frequently examines motivations and outcomes of extramarital affairs. One notable study discusses the low conversion rate of affairs into marriages, concluding that less than 10% of affairs transition into formal commitments.

Reference: “Motivations for Extramarital Affairs: Variability in Outcomes and Commitment Levels.” Journal of Sex Research, 2018.

3. Longevity and Stability of Marriages Originating from Affairs

Dr. Frank Pittman discusses the impact of infidelity on long-term relationships, stating that around 75% of marriages that start from affairs end in divorce, often due to unresolved trust issues.

Institute for Family Studies (IFS): IFS publishes data on repeat infidelity tendencies, noting that individuals involved in infidelity are more likely to engage in it again, which affects the longevity of marriages born from affairs.

Reference: “Who Cheats More? The Demographics of Infidelity in America,” Institute for Family Studies, 2020.

4. Psychological and Relational Impact on New Marriages

Dr. Ana Nogales’ study on the psychological effects of infidelity found increased rates of anxiety, guilt, and depression in individuals engaged in extramarital relationships, contributing to emotional strain in marriages originating from affairs.

American Psychological Association (APA): APA research on infidelity reveals that trust and jealousy issues are more common in marriages born from affairs, due to pre-existing betrayal.

References: APA, “Understanding the Psychology of Infidelity,” American Psychological Association, 2017. Nogales, Ana. The Truth About Cheating. Jossey-Bass, 2008.

5. Public Perception and Social Stigma

Dr. Bella DePaulo’s Research on Relationship Stigmas: DePaulo has researched social perceptions of nontraditional relationships, finding that marriages from affairs often face stigma, impacting the couple’s relationship satisfaction.

Background: Dr. Bella DePaulo’s work covers social stigma surrounding nontraditional relationships and how societal perceptions impact individuals.
Key Findings: Marriages that originated from affairs often carry a social stigma, affecting the couple’s sense of acceptance and creating added relational stress.
Implications: DePaulo’s findings underscore the societal pressures and negative judgments that couples in such relationships face, which influence their self-perception and possibly contribute to relationship stress.
Pew Research Center: Pew studies indicate that while views on marriage and relationships have evolved, over 80% of Americans still view infidelity negatively.

References: DePaulo, Bella. Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. St. Martin’s Griffin, 2007. Pew Research Center, “How Americans View Relationships and Marriage,” 2021.

6. Cultural and Societal Trends in Infidelity and Marriage

Cross-Cultural Studies on Infidelity and Marriage Stability: Cross-cultural research compares the acceptance of infidelity across societies, showing that collectivist societies are generally less accepting of infidelity-based marriages than individualist societies.

Reference: Li, Norman P., et al. “Mate Preferences, Relationship Outcomes, and the Influence of Cultural Norms.” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2018.

Key Takeaway

The impact of infidelity and divorce on children is startling. Infidelity-caused divorce deprives children of the experience of growing up in an intact, stable home. While many attempt to normalize infidelity, there is no doubt that it is a destructive force on families and children.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! There is hope if you are a spouse who has betrayed your marriage’s trust, love, and fidelity! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy, as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone, and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story to share and have published it, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma) helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.